This is the third episode of the first season and is actually a question I wonder about. Now, I’m not talking about friends you already have who get married or become single. I’m talking about attracting new friends who are married if you are a single woman. And I mean meaningful friendships.
In this episode, Carrie has an awkward encounter with a friends husband while staying with them at their beach house. Zach Morris time out (yes I dated myself): What couple invites a single woman on vacation with them? Like even if my sister (my bestie) invited me out with her and her man on a fabulous destination: boo, I’ll pass unless you are inviting another (hot) eligible bachelor.
Ok, back to the regularly scheduled program. Also in this episode, Miranda’s boss tries to hook her up. She didn’t ask for help but there is obvious a percieved problem with seeing this single woman. And they decide that she must be a lesbian because that’s who they hook her up with.
So I’ve met a few attached women in my life and, honestly, unless they are older and are more of a mentor to me, I really don’t have the same type of close friendships that I have with my single gals. This got me wondering why and I can only think of these “obstacles” to justify why I don’t make new married friends:
1) I feel judged- Like Miranda’s boss, do these married people (especially ones married for a long time) think something is wrong with me (I discuss this also in my novel, The Mission). This might just be a onesided view in my own head.
2) They do different things- I go out with the girls for happy hour. Married friends have date night or if they have kids, happy hour is a rare event.
3) I go more places with my single friends- married friends go places with their spouses so I end up just having single friends because they are more available to do things
4) I’m slightly paranoid and think my married friends are going back to their families and dishing all my dirt. Outside of SATC (where Charlotte shares WAY too much of her and Trey’s personal business with her gals), my married friends don’t spill their marital tea. And hey, I get it and don’t fault them for that. But us single girls share. That’s how we bond. But if that sharing is one sided, where does the bond come from especially for a new friend.
5) I don’t want you thinking I want your man. Like in this episode, I don’t want a situation where you could possibly feel threatened or uncomfortable due to my presence. Other people’s husbands make me uncomfortable. Maybe I watch too much TV. I’ll even stop thinking a celebrity is hot when he gets married. (Like his wife would ever be threatened by my crush). I don’t want no problems.
So here are just some of my hang ups to developinng new friendships with married women. I guess I feel a certain solidarity for the single gal since I am one. But on a deep level none of this should hinder the ability to develop new friends no matter what their status.
Hey boo!! Just read and I recall that episode. Here are my thoughts. I do believe married and singles can be friends but I do also see the challenges in developing new friendships. The biggest obstacle I see is married and singles not feeling like they are soo different. A lot of married women stop hanging around their single friends because they perceive a lot of differences. There are some but really, to make a friendship work, you have to focus on similarities cause there should still be some.
1) If you feel judged those are “smug marrieds” and they suck. Next!!
2) Yup, they do different things but a real chick would be able to do some of the things you do. As a married myself the idea of only doing couples things is boring to me. Girl time is still needed!
3) Same as above.
4) I can understand that.
5) Should never be an issue. A secure married shouldn’t even have that in her head.
Making new friends at out age in general can be tough. But these are all good points!!
Good point about focusing on similarities. I didn’t think of it like that but that ‘s so true!
But really I am talking about the marrieds. It seems in a lot of cases, they are the ones that stop hanging out with single girlfriends claiming their lives are sooo different. I call bull on that!!
LikeLiked by 1 person