SATC Talk: The Power of Female Sex: Do We Need To Be Sexy To Get Mr. Right?

Do you recall Season 1, Episode 5 where Carrie goes out and meets a guy from her “euro trash” friend. She and the French guy hook up after a day and night of dating and he leaves $1000 on her beside table much to her horror (after all this wasn’t just a good time, she was in to him)? Has that ever happened to you? Yeah me either (and if it did, would I tell? It is very embarrassing and morally questionable, no?). But it got me thinking about how we women get attention when we are out and about at night.


As I’ve mentioned before, I live in a city chock full o women. For Type A Cosmo girl this makes it a tough dating environment. And D.C. has a wealth of pretty, smart, successful girls. As one guy rudely told me, I am a dime a dozen (but my mama said I was special) so I need to bring something extra like more sex appeal. So what do I lead with?

In a smart, political town like this even the nerds want the best of the arm candy. I can engage you like Oprah and still walk away empty handed. So I’ve been told by guys that I need to dress a little sexier. Wear my hair straight. Smile more, giggle more. Light up the room when I appear. Fine, get me a stylist, hairdresser and professional lighting. And if I can’t do all that, just be a size 2.

Seriously, is that what I went to school for? Forget all the personality that I have, let’s break it down to the basics and show some leg and cleavage and pop on that Ms. America smile while you’re at it.

I feel pretty good about myself and struggle with the idea that there isn’t a great guy for me that wouldn’t think I was the bees knees (who came up with that saying? Bees have no knees and if they did why would anyone think they were great).

Do I have to succumb to the idea that this area is stuck on pretentiousness and superficiality or should I fight the proverbial machine and be who I am? The best me who has a lot to offer. After all if I’m spending my time competing to be something I’m not, how fun is that? And how fun is it being with someone who simply wanted arm candy instead of a real mate.

Sure I might not get all the attention in the bar but is that all that’s needed to get the type of relationship we truly want? Trying to compete with the local Beyoncé lookalike is of no interest to me. Instead I say go out and be the best, happiest you. In return you’ll attract what you really want. It’s not about the number but the quality. Value who you are as the best thing since sliced bread and others will see that. Sure, being sexy could pay off literally like it did Carrie but that’s not the kind of pay off I’m looking for.


  1. Being SEXY is a mind set not a hind set.

    When a person is being their TRUE SELF…they are being the very best that they can be! No one else can do it better. The rest will follow. There is no competition. Someone is looking for your TRUE SELF. And yes, when you show it you may get hurt, or you may be found by someone who is also for real.


  2. I think there is a power in being overtly sexy.

    Ask my husband of going on 6 years what first attracted him to me when he found my profile and he will tell you it was a pic of me in a tight, low-cut red tank top with boobs aplenty, high and perky and me playfully biting on a necklace. After that he noticed how articulate and thoughtful the rest of the profile was but it was that one pic that made him double take and decide to look further.

    Men are very visual and many will not stop and proceed further if that initial, primal physical instinct does not make them stop.

    Just my 25 cents. 😉


  3. Yeah, but if that is not who you are (meaning you don’t lead with the sex appeal/victoria secret vibe) aren’t you selling false hope? Not everyone can pull off that look you describe. Being happy and a bit flirty is fine but it should be within your comfort zone. I guess to each their own. I’ma try it though lol


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