SATC Talk : The Turtle and the Hare: Would you date a fixer upper or a man who won’t get married?

This is episode 9 from the first season and we get quite a few issues in this episode (not going to talk about the Rabbit). Particularly we see Samantha “settle” for a guy that she finds less than desirable but whom she decides to makeover to make more suitable. This is not the Samantha I know but first season Samantha seemed less secure to me. The second issue is Carrie learning that Mr. Big does not want to get married again. Usually I try to stick to one theme from the episodes but this one had two that I can’t ignore. One, would you date a guy you are not attracted to and “settle” for him? Two, would you  “settle” for a guy who doesn’t want to get married if that is something you always wanted?

The Fixer Upper: Soo I’ve done this. More so in my twenties which goes against the idea that women do this out of some sort of desperation. I don’t think that’s always the case. Sometimes, like Samantha, we give a guy a shot becuase we like so many other things about him. I do believe women are less visual in that sense…to a degree. Maybe he isn’t too bad on the eyes and just needs sprucing up a bit. You’d be amazed what a good tailored outfit and a fresh cut/ or color/or beard can do to a guy. (have you seen early Calvin Harris compared to today’s Calvin Harris?)


The key is that you have something to work with. There are limits, eventually Samantha couldn’t get past some things. There is something to be said of chemistry.

The no marriage guy: This recently happened on the season finale of Being Mary Jane. She was in it to win it and older guy (let’s call him the black Mr. Big played by the fine Gary Dourdan) told Mary Jane that he had no desire to marry or even cohabitat. I have encountered this with older men which always makes me weary of them. Sometimes they don’t want to be married again (maybe after a painful divorce) or want kids (maybe already having them).

I get angry when a guy ensnares you into a relationship without telling you this upfront. 9 times out of 10, women want to get married at some point. So the likihood that she will change her mind from not wanting marriage or kids just because she found a great love in you is not a sure thing.

One guy told me upon meeting me that he did not want more kids. He was all in for marriage but was through with having kids. I appriciated his quick honesty and we were just friends. There was no point in getting caught up if I know that children (or at least a child) are in my future.

I can’t think of any situation yet in my life where I’d want to continue to fully commit to a guy who does not want to get married or have children. Perhaps if I was much older (50s maybe) but here’s to hoping that is not an issue for me and I meet my mister before then!

One comment

  1. I’ve been meaning to respond for over a week. Soon as I saw “The Turtle” I cringed because that is one of my least favorite episodes in the series. **shudder** I think most guys need a little help and there’s nothing wrong with that but never to the point of the Turtle.

    If your goal is to get married, then I wouldn’t waste time with a man who isn’t interested.


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