SATC Talk: The Real Me: Do Men Really Want the “Real” Us?

We are now entering season Four with episode 2 otherwise known as “fashion road kill”. You know, the episode where Carrie walks the runway and trips and falls and Heidi Klum steps over and keeps walking. Of course the guy she flirts with takes that opportunity to photograph her, when she is at her worst moment in the show.

It’s also the episode where Miranda meets a guy while she is at the gym looking her worst. She can’t possibly imagine why he’d be talking to her but he’s into her at her most natural self. It’s when she fancies up and talks up herself that he loses interest and disappears.

But what does that mean? We get dolled up, show our confidence and our sex appeal and think this is showing our best selves. But it’s not our most authentic. I’ve heard time and time again that guys like a more natural look. That certain fashion we adore, men hate. Let’s be honest ladies, we get our face “beat” and hair colored (or added to), heels on high because WE love the look. There is even a blog called man repeller devoted to fashion that women love but men not so much.

But the real us is nothing fancy. It’s not about being a certain way to impress another. It’s in the moments that we truly live for ourselves that we are at our best. This is why I struggle with the idea that we should dress or behave a certain way when dating. Sure having a certain look might get us more dates but if your goal is to one day meet your one what’s the need to be anything other than your most authentic self?

When I first watched this episode I didn’t understand what Miranda had done wrong. I just thought, what a jerk . And I still think he was a jerk (I mean he could have just said something). However, what I now come to understand is that Miranda had changed to impress him. Yet, it was who she was in the beginning that he admired. In her mind, she didn’t get how he could like that version of her, the real her.

I can imagine I’ve had experiences where I lead with an aspect of me that didn’t showcase the real me and things did not work. I have found that my most memorable relationships are those in which I did not start by “putting on a show” but was simply me. Finding a mate that appreciates that upfront is not always the easiest but then again, it lays proof to the saying, when you aren’t looking that’s when you will meet him/her. Who knows if that’s true but I say it’s a lot easier to live life being yourself; flaws, falls and all.