SATC Talk: A Woman’s Right to Shoes: Being Single Doesn’t Pay

The truth to episode 9 is just so real.  I didn’t quite understand until I saw it in syndication years later and many bucks spent. I have shelled out dough on friends bachelorette parties, bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, baby birthdays. Being married with kids ain’t cheap…for the friends! But I don’t mean to say that I didn’t want to be apart of my friend’s joys. I do. But as we get older, sometimes being the single friend can be a one sided deal as this clip shows.

Most of the time I don’t get birthday presents from my friends so there is no “equality” in the gift giving arena between my married/parent friends. I don’t get too huffy about it because I figure it’ll all come out in the wash when I get married and have kids….But what if I don’t? And never mind the many friends and acquaintances whose weddings I go to and give gifts to who I don’t ever hear from again. You can’t imagine how common it is for a friend to get married and then disappear from my life. As if there is some secret dimension they cross over to when they jump the broom.

However, money aside, the one thing that this episode high lights is that married and single folk have different lives and priorities. But who are we to judge each other? Carrie’s friend “shoe shamed” her because she chose to spend 400 dollars on shoes (ridiculous, yeah I’m judging) and in her married parent life spending such money would be silly unless you were rich. As a result she didn’t want to pay Carrie back for the shoes that were stolen at her house party. Well she offered to reimburse her at a lower price. She determined that Carrie was living an unimportant life because she was spending money on frivolous things like expensive shoes.  Yet, oddly enough when Carried said she was having an engagement to herself registered at the same place her 400 shoes were the friend was quick to buy the same shoes then for her.

Was it the principle? Are married friends only willing to care about single friends if its something that they can relate to as married people? I’m lucky enough to have a close married friend who doesn’t think that way but the fact that I only still remain friends with only one of the people I knew who got married speaks volumes to me. I’m willing to stay friend with all my married friends but the feeling isn’t always mutual. Do we outgrow our usefulness to have friends when we marry? I hope not because our girlfriends have a place in our lives as humans. Is that a female thing? Do males ditch their friends once they get hitched? Me thinks not.

Moral of the story, all of our lives are equally important and there is no need to shame another person for not walking the same journey you walk.

One comment

  1. This episode hit home with me and had mentioned it to Morgan just the other day. Its true, married people, especially with kids, are showered with gifts and on numerous occasions (engagement party, bridal party, wedding gifts, baby shower, 1st birthday party, etc.) but what do single, childless people get? Birthday gifts, maybe. This episode really spotlighted how single people’s life milestones really aren’t celebrated like married and it made me a bit sad. Its one of the reasons why I have started saying gifts were optional to things. I don’t feel comfortable having people continually spend money on me and my family. Single people should be celebrated more.

    I also do not get single friends who get married and suddenly don’t wanna hang with their single friends anymore. Um, why?? While I do have different priorities and interests than before I was married, the basics are still there; I want a need my girl friends and girlfriend time. I also don’t get marrieds who only want married friends. I know I am having a hard enough time finding mommy friends to connect with because what it comes down to is you have to have more in common than just a ring and just a kid around the same age. I want people in my life that make me laugh, laugh at my goofy jokes, crave some adventure, intellectual pursuits, travel, art, fashion, etc. Who cares if they’re single! I am just stumped on that.

    Great post! Good episode. I am glad SITC highlighted those issues.


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